“How do you build confidence?”
“How can I be more confident?”
“How to fix low self esteem”
“How to…”
“How to…..”
I’m sure many people have found themselves searching for these answers. Can’t help it, but I look into it now and again. Whenever I feel that mask is faltering and I need to pick myself up again. Like strangers on the internet can tell me how to make my life better by reading a million and one books.
I have read them. ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F$ck’, ‘Atomic Habits’. Been there done that. Honestly, I would recommend them. However, it still feels like there is something. Something missing. And there is. These people who write these books, these posts, make videos about it, they all have truly valuable information. But the hard truth is, you already know everything they are going to say.
You need to take better care of yourself. Mind, body, and soul. Clean your room. Exercise. Eat healthy. Go outside. Make friends. Go shopping. Learn about yourself. Read, write, clean, self care. The list is never ending.
You might find yourself thinking, okay, but how does that help? How do I start?
Where Do You Start?
You’re there, you’re ready to change, but how do you do it?
It seems so simple, you read these articles and tell yourself, ‘Okay. I will change tomorrow.’ But tomorrow rarely comes, right?
Change comes when you understand what confidence is. How can we define it? Confidence can be defined as such: “the belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust.” This is just the first thing that comes up when you search confidence. But what is it? I once saw someone describe self confidence as the trust in yourself you have that you will keep your promises. For yourself.
That perspective has completely changed my view on it and myself. I have always struggled with my self esteem and confidence, often feeling like it is just something I don’t or can’t have. But looking deeper I, and I’m sure other’s, can come to the conclusion that my lack of confidence is just distrust in myself that I am actually going to keep the promises I make to myself.
Can you trust yourself? What promises have you made and not followed through on? It is normal and okay to have examples, things you haven’t followed through on. Everyone does.
Be Honest With Yourself
Take a moment and reflect, I will do the same. Be honest and think about the things you have decided to do for yourself, and not taken action on. This is not the time to feel shame or embarrassed about it. If you cannot face the truth then you cannot expect change to take place. Thinking back to times that you maybe decided to go out to eat alone, read that book, go to the gym, go for a walk, make changes to your diet, the list and possibilities for change are endless.
Any one of these instances are perfect examples of times you might have decided to change, but maybe never followed through. I don’t care about your reasoning, and neither should you. Move on, give yourself grace, and allow yourself to learn from your past decisions.
By being honest with yourself, you can see what you want in life. Maybe you want to eat healthier, make a new friend, go back to school, or start a blog. I have long struggled with making decisions for myself, afraid of the shame I would face if I failed. But I found that I felt more shame in never trying, and this took a great toll on my confidence. Making decisions for other people; what would they think? I don’t know enough, I am afraid, etc. But these did not serve me, they have only hindered me.
Letting go of these limiting beliefs came with forcing myself to follow through, but in following through, letting go of these beliefs got easier.
It is not easy for many people to take initiative, that esteemed writer you love had to work hard and fail many times, but they did it. They may not have believed in themselves at times, but they still followed through because they wanted it enough and they believed in what they were doing. Hard things are worth doing, even if they do not lead you exactly where you want to be.
Try, Fail, and Try Again
Going into blogging and writing, I was so nervous. In the past 6 months or so I am not even sure if I have gotten views from actual people. But there is one thing I know for sure. I followed through with what I wanted to do. One of the few times in my life I have done what I wanted to do, for me. Am I afraid to fail? Sure, but what does trying say about my character, that not taking action doesn’t? Trying says I follow through with what I want, trying says I trust in myself to make decisions, to try, and to get up again and again when I fail. That I am not afraid to fail. I started this blog selfishly. I wanted to start writing. I have been learning and designing it for me. I will be just fine regardless of whether or not anyone reads this, other than my boyfriend.
I do it anyways, because that was what I told myself I was going to do.
So, if there is anyone reading this out there and has stuck with my amateur writing, I would encourage you to try something new. Or even better, revisit something you had once decided to do or something you are passionate about.
What is something you have wanted for yourself? Try it, and start small. If you want to write, brain storm ideas, then practice writing. If you want to eat healthier, begin researching nutrition, if you want more exercise, go on a walk, or stretch. You can find opportunity in almost every area of your life.
Start by making little promises to yourself every single day, and keep them. Learn what you like, what you don’t like. Try something new, fail, and try again. Don’t be afraid to slip up sometimes, as long as you keep at it.
Try, fail, and try again.
Self confidence is not just a skill. It is the small promises you keep to yourself everyday. It is the trust you have in yourself. The good news about trust? It is something you can build. So build that trust in yourself, and watch your confidence blossom.
